Sarcastic coffee isn’t just a drink — it’s an identity crisis in a bag. This 1kg pack fuels your mornings, your espresso martinis, and your passive-aggressive emails.
Sarcastic coffee isn’t just a drink — it’s a middle finger to marketing fluff. This is the brew for people who are sick of hearing about how “hand-harvested” their caffeine is, yet still want to look smug while sipping it in a reusable cup inside their electric car.
This 1kg bag of premium, passive-aggressively roasted beans is dog-friendly (because you bring your pug everywhere), LGBTQIA+ inclusive (our beans don’t discriminate), not tested on rats (or CrossFit trainers), and perfect for fuelling both your political rants and your 3 a.m. “I’m going to start a podcast” energy.
Whether you’re team MAGA, team Meghan Markle, or just team Leave Me Alone Until I’ve Had Coffee, this roast welcomes all identities, ideologies, and emotional breakdowns.
Start your day journaling about late-stage capitalism and end it shaking up an espresso martini while googling if quitting your job to open a candle store is financially viable.
This sarcastic coffee goes both ways — like your neighbor who suddenly got really into essential oils and polyamory. It’s bold, complex, probably misunderstood, and definitely not trying to please everyone. If you’re looking for a smooth cup of political neutrality, keep walking. This coffee has opinions — and enough caffeine to fuel a Reddit debate.
✅ 1kg bags — because anything less is for amateurs.
✅ $85 per kilo — you’re paying for flavor, not filtered virtue-signaling.
✅ Free shipping — because you’re already paying enough in soul taxes.
✅ Dog-friendly — your dog is basically your child anyway.
✅ Not tested on rats — or influencers, CrossFit bros, or your ex.
✅ Woke-compatible — but also MAGA-tolerant, gluten-indifferent, and keto-curious.
✅ Espresso martini approved — for brunch, breakdowns, and bad decisions.
This is sarcastic coffee for:
The emotionally unavailable
The opinionated and over-caffeinated
Crypto bros who just got rugged
People with reusable straws and rage issues
Anyone who’s rage-quit a Zoom call
Freelancers who “work from cafes” but haven’t opened a laptop since 2023
Is it organic? Probably.
Compostable packaging? Close enough.
Carbon-neutral? Depends who’s asking.
Will it save the planet? No. But it’ll help you rant about it in style.
This sarcastic coffee is roasted by people who once cared deeply and now just want to get through Monday. It’s packaged in materials that look sustainable enough to keep your guilt low and your Instagram story aesthetically aligned.
If you’re tired of every brand pretending to save the world with every purchase, here’s one that admits:
We’re here to sell you strong, smooth, slightly unhinged sarcastic coffee that makes your brain work and your soul scream just a little less.
You want real talk in your cup? This is it.
1kg bag. $85. Free shipping. No BS.
Drink up.
Then cancel someone.
We weren’t going to include this, because we assumed our customers know how to operate a kettle. But for legal reasons (and the people who still microwave water), here’s how to brew this sarcastic coffee:
Measure out one heaping tablespoon per cup. Or eyeball it while muttering about capitalism.
Grind if necessary — medium-fine works for most methods. So does emotional breakdown level.
Brew using your preferred method — French press, espresso machine, pour-over, or just soak it in your tears.
Drink black for full judgmental flavor. Or add milk, because we’re not coffee elitists. Mostly.
Bonus: For a killer espresso martini, combine 30ml of this brew with vodka, coffee liqueur, and a dash of self-loathing.
Is this actually sarcastic?
Yes. And it still tastes better than whatever’s in your office kitchen.
Is it organic?
It’s organically sarcastic. That’s gotta count for something.
Is it for left-wing people, right-wing people, or centrists?
Yes.
Can I serve it at brunch?
Only if your brunch guests can handle honesty and high caffeine.
Will it fix my life?
No. But it will make it tolerable — and that’s worth $85.
You’ve read this far, which means one of two things:
You’re extremely caffeinated already.
You’re deeply curious about how far this sarcasm goes.
Either way, here’s your sign: buy the coffee.
It’s strong. It’s weird. It’s brutally honest. And it ships free — which is more than we can say for most things in life.
This is sarcastic coffee — the roast that laughs while the world burns.
$85.00
Copyright 2023 ENEKOR
